Let’s dig into the three basic confidence-building techniques. According to my experience freedom to decide or select, not giving big tasks to kids and removal of fear of failure in them are the best confidence-building techniques. As parents, we always wish to have confident children. We want to see them capable of handling life challenges and difficult situations successfully. But unfortunately, it is not that simple these days. Our parenting styles and education system are big hurdles in developing a confident personality. You may find a list of techniques on websites or social media for building confidence in children, but at times it seems to be a lengthy process and sometimes not even practical.
I have tried to make this topic as simple as possible and propose three basic techniques that all parents must adopt to develop confidence in their children. In fact most of us lack in these.
1. Freedom to Decide or Select
We as parents always undermine the skills of our kids. We at times think that our children are the dumbest kids in the universe; they always need to be fed with a spoon. We fail to accept the fact that the children also have mind and they also have likes and dislikes. Why do they always have to hear“Stop wearing this colour”, “Stop going out”, “Stop studying Maths first”.
Do you know we are damaging the confidence level of our kids with such a parenting style?
We need to appreciate the thinking process of our kids. Let them think. By thinking and making decisions, their confidence level will boost. We as parents need to judge critically the mental level of our kids. Do not undermine their decision-making capabilities. We just need to tell them the pros and cons. Rest, leave it to them what they decide. This freedom of decision-making and selecting things at their own will will certainly boost their confidence level. They should start thinking that they have the freedom to decide or select, and no force is being applied to them.
Start asking them, “What do they want to study?” “What color do they want to wear?” “Where do they want to go?”
2. Do not give them Big tasks
We as parents, while tasking our kids, are at times very bad. We need to access the capabilities of our children first. When I say access the capabilities, it means assessment of
- Mental level
- Age
- Body structure
- Strength
- Interest etc
Big children can perform big or heavy tasks compared to the younger ones. When we assign heavy tasks to young children, they often struggle to perform. Due to a lack of realization among us as parents, we start scolding them. It does not stop here, we also start comparing the kid with the older ones. This attitude of parents badly damages the confidence level of kids. At the same time, it may cause depression among kids.
This does not stop here, even our education system is also very fond of overburdening our kids. They want to make our 5-year-old child Einstein.
As parents, we should not give big tasks to our young kids. Even if they fail, never scold them; in fact, appreciate the effort they have put in and motivate them to give it one more try. Remember, no one likes failures. Avoid comparing siblings and other kids in your circle. Surely this will boost the confidence level of your child.
3. Avoid fear of failure
The third most important parenting flaw is developing a fear of failure among children. It is common in schools too. Children’s mind is tuned to the idea that every failure will invite punishment. They grew up listening to “You will be punished if you do not do it.” “You will be punished if you get fewer marks in exams.” “If you are not on time, you will be punished.”
I won’t say that the punishment part should not be there. But as parents, we need to see whether our punishment is having a positive or negative impact on our child. Failure in exams does not mean failure in life. Remember, the test system is a man-made system, not a divine system. We try to create artificial fear around our kids on the name of test. For every test there is a retest. Our kids’ self-esteem is far more important.
Indications of Confidence building
Once you have taken care of above techniques. Now its time to assess yourself, either you succeeded or not. Just look for following behaviour change in your kids which will be clear indication of confidence building.
1. Body Language and Behavior change
Your child should start maintaining good eye contact while talking. Body posture should look relax. He should be speaking clearly without mumbling or avoiding words. Willing participant in activities without any pressure
2. Social Interactions
Your child develop a habit of making friends easily and enjoy socializing with you, family members and peers. Volunteers to answer questions in class and comfortable in sharing ideas at home. Handles disagreements calmly instead of withdrawing.
3. Emotional Signs
There are some emotional signs which will be obvious in a confident child. Accepting mistakes without feeling defeated. Showing resilience when things don’t go as planned. Demonstrating a positive attitude toward challenges.
4. Independence
A confident child has a strong feeling of independence. He is comfortable in making small decisions (like choosing clothes, books, or activities). Tries new things without constant reassurance. He can spend time alone without feeling insecure. Own the task being assigned.
Conclusion
By integrating these three fundamental techniques – fostering decision-making freedom, assigning age-appropriate tasks, and eliminating the fear of failure – parents can significantly contribute to building confident, resilient, and independent children. Observe their evolving body language, improved social interactions, emotional maturity, and growing independence as indicators of their blossoming self-assurance. Prioritizing these aspects of parenting will not only benefit your child’s present well-being but also equip them with the essential tools to navigate life’s complexities with unwavering self-belief.
